Sometimes life can really kick you while your down, you know what I mean? The other day someone said something that wasn’t ment to hurt me, but it did. It struck right at the core of my insecurities and left me feeling alone, friendless, unloved and unwanted… horrible things to feel. And my Accuser and Enemy stepped right in and whispered things in my ear that took me right back to a place and time that I had hoped I would never revisit again in my life, a place of deep insecurity and unhappiness … “nobody likes you… you are unlovable and unwanted… you are destined to be alone and friendless for the rest of life.” Oh how the wounds of childhood can stay with us for so long. I thought I had left all that behind me long ago, and yet there it was, staring me in the face once again and I was brought to my knees. It was a bad day.
Then, there are moments that make life seem like the most precious gift in the world. Tonight, Jeff and I were cleaning up the dinner dishes and unexpectedly he sweeps me into his arms and starts to dance with me (how I love that). Ava, being slightly caught off guard by this sudden change in events, stops whatever trouble she’s getting herself into and plops right down in the middle of the floor to watch Mommy and Daddy dance around the kitchen. Her eyes twinkle and sparkle and a big grin is on her face, as if she somehow perceives that what’s happening is good. After a few minutes she crawls over and pulls herself up on Jeff’s leg. He scoops her up and proceeds to spin around the room with her. A huge smile is plastered on Ava’s face and you can almost see a little cup of joy in her heart running over. The little cup of joy in my heart IS running over… this is a perfect moment. This is a moment that I longed for and begged God to give me while I waited so many years for the one he had for me. I would daydream about a husband that would dance with me in the kitchen, sweep me off my feet and kiss me in front of our kids. And they would be grossed out by it and roll their eyes, but secretly in their hearts they would find security in the fact that Mom and Dad love each other more than anything.
Jeff and my dancing was probably a bit clumsy, ungraceful, nothing at all like the movies, and the humming was off key, but to me – it’s perfect. It’s in these moments I realize that my God has been gracious to me and has given me the desire of my heart. He heard my prayers all those nights not so long ago and answered them. Because he loves me.
While the sting of the other day still lingers and my heart wounds may take a few days to heal, I know there is One who fights on my behalf, has my best in mind and loves me more than anything… because he formed me in the palm of his hand before I was born. That sure beats the socks off anything else I can think of… even dancing in the kitchen.